Friday, March 18, 2016

How to deliver a very Tory budget.

Tuesday 15th March. A meeting is taking place at No. 10 Downing Street. Present are PM David Cameron, his next door neighbour, Inner Circle guy number 1 and Inner Circle guy number 2. 


(George Osborne is coming to the end of a run through of his budget speech)

George: "....and I commend this budget to the house!"

IC No. 2: "Good job Georgie. Bravo!"

Dave: "Isn't it a bit heavy on cut taxes for the rich and cut benefits for the disabled? 

IC No 1: "Not forgetting the wholesale privitsation of all schools through the academies programme."

Dave: "Not to mention public debt is rising and you're not going to make your budget surplus target."

George: "Yeah I know."

IC No.1: "We need a diversion."

IC No.2: "Agreed"

IC No.1: "What's that fellow Oliver off the TV lathering himself up about nowadays."

George: "School dinners??"

Dave: "No, you mean the 'sugar tax' on fizzy drinks? Yes, Sam mentioned it the other night."

IC No. 1: "Yes that's perfect! Give the corporations some time to administer a substitute like aspartame. The papers will be all over the 'sugar tax' story like a rash. The more controversial stuff will be in the inside pages. I'll have a word with you know who."

Dave: "It's still a very Tory budget. I mean, I like it George, don't get me wrong, but..."

IC No.2: "Hmmmm. Is the Home Secretary about?"

Dave: "What Teri?? I'll give her a call."

(Within 30 minutes the Home Secretary has joined the meeting. IC No.2 is giving her instructions)

IC No. 2: "So, are you okay with this? You'll have to make sure you sit to the left of George for maximum impact."

Theresa: "Yes. I think I have just the outfit."

Dave: "Are you sure you're okay with this, Teri? We need you and the 'sugar tax' to occupy the headlines if we're to slip this other stuff through."

Theresa: "So long as I can choose the colour Prime Minister."

IC No.1: "Twitter will go into meltdown over your cleavage, I am sure!"

(The next day - midway through George Osborne's speech)

George [turns to Theresa] : "Good show Teri, I think our plan will work."


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